God may be unseen. But He is always…always around. In the air which keeps me alive. In the food which keeps me going. In the water that fills me. And in people like you who gives me a reason to say – life is more than just worth living, it is the most wondrous of gifts.

I’ve always wondered why it had to be you. Always wondered why it had to be difficult. Often bemoaned why at this time, being brave means letting go. I queried for possible reasons again and again. And among the many given back, there is only one that I find most meaningful – He meant for me to see love(?) in its most unconventionally deep sense. (That’s somewhat the safest way to say it. Haha!)

Life’s intricacies have been raining on me ever since the day this feeling announced its arrival. I’ve been around the same territory with you for quite some time but not even once did it dawn on me before that I could be capable of wagering my heart at such high risks. Gosh! But at least I managed to hold in check. It’s somewhat relieving to realize that I’ve never allowed my emotions to overrule my being. I never got out of me. Whew! But it’s only fair to say that it took an enormous amount of effort to do just that. (Just gotta do what’s right even if it hurts and even if it sucks.)

The ease at which you handle your life. The facile manner in which you carry your clout. Your unselfish drive to share what you have. Your deep passion for what you do, no matter the shift. And the humbleness you pose inspite of aaaallll your this’ and thats’…they all just carry me away. You do nothing, you do what you do, I look at you, and I just keep falling. And you don’t even know it. (And you don’t need to know it. Though sometimes, just for the pleasure you deserve to get out of this high regard that someone has for you, I wish you knew how much you inspire me. But then…haha…it’ll never come from me.)

It all goes down to one thing, then…a secret kept down to the very end. A love(?) that is meant to be synonymous to restraint for as long as earth exists.

But if you’ve read my eyes, and if you’re reading this, know one thing – I’ll always be grateful to the one above for letting me see Him in you. Always.

Thank you for you.

…and have fun…haha!!!
I love this flash file!

Honestly, I don’t have anything worthwhile to blog about right now. Haha!

I just miss posting something here though I know it hasn’t been that long since I last blogged. Geez…an addicted blogger, I must be.

Anywayz..hmm..like I said, there’s nothing much to say right now. Except that my legs are all muscle-ached ’cause of dance practices. Once again, I’m joining the modern dance team of our department for this year’s university intramual league. We won 3rd place last year. Hopefully, this year would be more promising for us. The dance is more complicated this time. More stunts in the routine, and gahd! I’m not exempted from doing one this time. Huhu! I’ve never done stunts(not even the veeery simplest ones) in any previous dance number I’ve been into. I’m working on it, though. It’s somehow a thrill to learn one, anyway.

What else…uhm…exam week’s comin’ up! As in midterm exams is comin’ up! Waaah! Bilis talaga ng panahon, sobra! It’s gonna be a busy two weeks for everyone in school.

And speaking of being busy, I gotta go now ’cause I’m supposed to be busy not on thinking of what else to blog about but on studying for tomorrow’s quiz. Hihi!

Au revoir, my friends. God bless!

p.s.
speaking of dance…I’d like to share this video of animated characters dancing to Usher’s Yeah. Believe me, you don’t wanna not watch this.

check it out…

Click [here] for a bigger view.

I got tagged yesterday by ladybug. And, just this morning, I got tagged again…this time, by Sir Denz.
So there’s two reposting and retagging that I gotta do. here they are…

FROM ladybug:

One book that changed your life. My experience as a reader hasn’t reached that point yet but I could say that it’s The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom which had the greatest impact on me.

One book that I read more than once. Perfect by Judith McNaught. I don’t actually remember how many times I’ve read it…bout a hundred times, I think…haha! Nah..I’m just kiddin’…mga 99 times lang yun.

One book you would want on a desert island. Uhh…I dunno…something about marine life, most probably? Yeah…something like that.

One book that made you laugh.

One book that made you cry. A Walk To Remember by Nicholas Sparks. The book was the one reason why the movie didn’t make shed even a single tear.

One book that you wish had been written. How To Forget That You Ever Loved Him. Ha! Don’t tell me you were you still surprised.

One book that you wish had never been written. I’ll fill this in if I read one that makes me say it shouldn’t have been written.

One book you are currently reading. Angels and Demons by Dan Brown.

One book you have been meaning to read. The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. Yep. You heard me right…I still haven’t read it yet. But I reeeeally really will!

AND FOR THIS, I’m TAGGING ANOTHER SET OF FIVE NAMELY…

(X) Sir Denz (X) Haha! Ikaw na pud, sir. And this warning/blackmail is only for you, too…If you don’t repost, you’ll have bad luck in about uhh..mabait ako eh..5 years lng..ahihihi! Peace, Sir Denz!

(X) Nick (X) Yo, buddy! Don’t think I’ve seen you do this yet. I don’t see a reason why I shouldn’t tag yah.

(X) Jae (X) Hello, Jae…I noticed you’ve been on a blog leave these past few days. Maybe this could be a reason to post an entry?

(X) Kendi (X) Ei there, Kendz. Taga! Hehe! How are things?

(X) Jona (X) Elow, Ate Jon…I just got ya tagged…

——————————————–

FROM Sir Denz:

Here’s how it works.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag three people.

Well, the nearest book I got right here is actually “Robert Langdon’s first adventure” — Angels and Demons by Dan Brown.

And here’s the next 3 sentences after the fifth:

After all, the four missing men were no ordinary cardinals. They were the cardinals. The chosen four.

And…that’s about it!

FOR THIS, I TAG:

(X) Alma (X)

(X) Lorei (X)

(X) Grace (X)

Tag along!

This heart is so stubborn…
it just won’t quit tolerating this foolish feeling.
Do away with it, will ya? Arrrrhg!

Fate is such a tease. Here I am, trying so damn hard to get the feeling off, starting to dry myself off the sensation that’s been awashing me. And then here comes this one morning, this one fateful morning when, as I was walking along that place, I almost bumped at you(literally..kay ngtxtx man gud, hapit hinuon nabangga..hehe!)…and then you look at me(how could you not..hapit gani ta nagbangga, di ba?). Simply glancing at me might have made me less ecsatic…but it wasn’t just a freakin’ glance you gave me…you intently looked…lingeringly so…straight into my eyes…as if some diamond were sprouting out from there and you wanted to make sure you were gonna get them firsthand. Haaai…

And how was I supposed to feel about that? Indifferent, of course. Passive. Unmoved. Cool.
Well, I could somehow give myself a pat on the back for appearing exactly just like that during that moment. I was able to unbelievably remain calm, composed, and cool as I greeted you hello. But heck, you never knew, my insides were on a hodgepodge as I was returning that stare of yours. Waaaaaaah! Kinsa ba gud dili malanay, uy!

Perfect timing, isn’t it? Grrr! I only wish I could be freely ecstatic about happenchances like that. But then I just couldn’t afford to. Not when I should be forgetting you. Forgetting that I ever almost fell for you.

Falling for you is like stabbing my own heart with a dagger and helplessly watching it bury deeper and onto the abyss.

I’m this, you’re…well…that. Nothing could change that fact. Not a melting smile, not a sparkling stare, and not a blissful sensation. It wouldn’t change now. Not tomorrow. Not in a million years.

Fate, stop teasing. And please, keep the dagger from burying deeper.

Will the ocean ever spill out of the earth and flow into space? Maybe if gravity decides to work reversely, that phenomenon could take place.

This feeling is like the ocean. It stays intact in my heart (just as the ocean is intact with the earth) unless an exceptionally unparalleled sensation happens. It would take a reversal of gravitational force to bring us together. That fact, I know.

I wish I never met you at all, I sometimes think. Then I start to think of the most profound moments of my life — I realize that most of them were spent talking with you. And so I thank God for sending you to me, instead. I slap myself and think how I could ever have wished of not meeting you when you were always the sweetest blessing God ever bestowed on me.

I would love to think it was I whom you regard to as your sunshine or..or..your reason..or your life..or whatever it is you deem her to be. Yes, indeed, I would love to think that everything were easier. At first, I think of it as a possibility. And then after the stinky reality fumes its stench, I just can’t help it I cover my nose and give up hope, instead.

Then again, I always believe there’s a reason for everything. There’s a reason why you’re there and I’m here. There’s a reason why the ocean must stay intact with the earth. There’s a reason why by some twist of fate, I came to that place where you and I met. And yes, there is a reason why this unsolicited euphoria came gushing to me.

What’s the damned reason, you might wonder. Heck! I even wish I could say only time could tell. For I believe not even time can tell why fate brought us both to that place. I’m grateful of its existence, though, whatever that reason is. The hurt and frustration associated with it doesn’t really matter. At least it doesn’t when I think of you and how phenomenal life has been ever since you first came. This euphoria, unsolicited as it may be, isn’t unwanted. That’s another fact that no matchless miracle could change.

Again I say, thank you for being a blessing.

It’s Saturday again. Time flies really fast. Before I knew it, the first third of the school year has come and gone. Whew! Yep, we’re at the dawn of midterms now. And that means more long weekends up ahead.

Take this weekend, for example. Dance practice. Conceptual framework for the research paper. Documents for the office. Data diagrams for DBMS(Database Management Systems subject). Coding practice(for System Programming subject). And a lot more.

So why am I here? Hmm..just trying to figure out which one to do first. And I thought that maybe after this blog entry, I’d have temporarily(if not permanently) gotten rid of the gibberish that’s been lurking in me these days. Poof! Gotta do just that.

Ciao for now. Y’all have a nice weekend ahead.

WARNING: LOTS OF BULL & THUDS ALONG THE WAY

Have you ever despised your heart for feeling something so wonderful? I have. Simply because it’s a feeling I shouldn’t feel. A feeling I don’t have the right to feel.

Have you ever felt so close to someone who was a million miles away, you simply wished he wasn’t there at all? But on second thought, you’d pray he was there to stay.

{I’m all knocked out on spending too much time thinking of you}

It was too early. Not for a single minute while I was on the way did I think of seeing you when I’d have gotten there. But you were. *thud* You were there. And I know you saw me. I felt your gaze burn right through my back. I just didn’t look. Though I have to say an enormous effort was what it took to do just that.

{Yesterday I was feeling safe, all I do today is trying to be brave}

I went to where I intended to go. Knowing deliberately you’d be showing up, I kept close watch. Close. But not close enough.

And so, you came. *thud thud* I caught a glimpse. You looked my way. I wondered why I saw a sort of expectant look in your eyes as you did. I didn’t smile. Didn’t even move a single muscle. I just looked. There was something about the way you looked when you held me at that brief stare. It was as if you were a little confused and doubtful on my being there. You didn’t expect me to be there, I know. But there are matters I attend to, you know. There are some things in my life which goes on not as how you think it does.

{…and your face is tattooed on my mind}

And then I was done with what I went there for. So I started my way out. I walked and walked. All the while thinking of that mysterious look in your eyes a moment ago. As I approached the area, you were there. I wasn’t able to help it. I jumped a little out of surprise at seeing you unexpectedly. Again. *thud*

I saw you before you me. For a millisecond, I looked. Then after a heartbeat, you looked. I was looking sideways, pretending to look at something else, aware that you were looking. I braced myself for a second *thud thud* and looked ahead and met your gaze…and then I melted. *thud thud*

Struggling to be composed, I looked straight at you. Masking my uneasiness with an expressionless and aloof guise. *thud thud thud*

{Tryin’ hard to control my heart, I walk over to where you are, eye to eye, we need no words at all}

I was moving closer. You simply stood there facing me. As I was close enough, that’s when I heard it. The sound of my name. Coming out from your mouth. *thud* Softly spoken. It felt like the sensation of water gushing through my face. You nodded and you said my name as if you didn’t know what else to say. So I asked you something about your day. You said, yes. A yes, coupled with that heartbreakingly wonderful smile. *thud thud thud thud*

Ahhh! I hated it, the way you said my name!

No, silly! I didn’t mean that. I loved the way you said my name. I only hate the fact that I had to hear it on a time like this — on a time when I’m on a skirmish with my heart trying to eradicate the feeling.

{And I can’t get you out of my dreams, now I know that you’re the dangerous kind}

This is just so crazy! I always believed that in order to runaway from something, you have to face it first so you could completely turn your back on it afterwards. But now look at me! I’ve been daringly facing this feeling for quite some time now and still it shows no sign of fading away. In fact, the more I face it, the more I believe it won’t go away at all.

Like I said, I’ve been on a skirmish with my heart trying to get this off my system. And the skrmish goes on for as long as the feeling resides in me. For as wonderful and sensational this feeling is, there’s only one place for it to go — out.

If it takes a hundred blog entries to stamp this feeling off, then I’d write a thousand. (Lol! Ahh, kapuya siguro uy! Very stinging to the eyes, very carpal-tunneling to the wrists. Haha!) Well, the point is, I would do whatever it takes to eradicate what needs to be wiped off my heart. When it’s wrong, it’s wrong. Even if it feels wonderful, it still is wrong. And it shouldn’t be there.

{You’re so close but still a world away}

P.S.
Don’t say I did’t warn yah.

I went through my preceding blog entries and noticed one thing — you. It’s been all about you these days. You making me nervous. You turning my world upside down. You reminding me of that agitating smile. And you making me act like a crazy fool. I was even melodramatically advised/reminded by a classmate, “Kat, laging tandaan…malapit lang ang mental(he meant the hospital). Wag mag-alala.” Wehehe! That was when he saw me doing something really alarming — biting my clear folder, that is. Naisip kasi kita. Medyo nanggigil nang kaunti. Eh, walang ibang naisip kagatin, kaya un. Lol! Sometimes, you just sort of feel certain things. And you can’t help but get all animated..and a little silly, too. Fairly predictable, I guess. *grin*

I wonder when this euphoria would dwindle. Hmm…

Anyway, enough has been said about you(for now, I guess). There are other things, much morereasonable, that’s been spinning ’round my mind lately. Like this paperback that I just finished reading entitled The Five People You Meet in Heaven. It’s a wonderful depiction of what’s in for us after earth. The title speaks for itself, the story actually talks about five people who we would meet in heaven, after our life on earth.

Mitch Albom, the author, has a truly vivid imagination. You all should read it. It makes you realize a lotta things about life on earth.

A certain quote found in the novel really tickled my fancy. It’s about anger and on how it could consume you. It goes — “Holding anger is poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”

This reminds me of what my Mom always tells me — to not hold grudges against anyone ever. She says it would always hinder you from getting to your dreams. It would always pose a barrier between you and happiness. I would always believe in that. I’ve seen people destroyed by anger and I never liked what I saw.

There were actually lots of lines in the book which really got me to thinking. Too bad I can’t remember in which pages they were written. Anyway, if you see this Albom title by a near library or by a friend’s ownership, don’t fail to borrow it. The little time you’d use for reading this novel would be time well-spent.