I was reading stuff. And there you were…playing Einstein, scrutinizing me like an experimental thingamajig inside a jar. Waaaah! I couldn’t make sense of what I my eyes were reading while you were there.

Huhuhu! This is crazy. And this is not(not even in the slightest sense) a good sign! I’m all thumbs around you. My knees feel like water. My hands break out in cold sweat. Or warm sweat. Heck, I don’t really know the sweat’s temperature, to be honest!

It’s just that eveytime you’re near, and everytime we speak, I feel as though I’ve teleported somewhere near Everest’s summit — where the air’s thin and it’s hard to breathe! Poof!

Tell me, then, what’s with you that magnetizes me like a nega pole does a positive, huh? (Boy, why am I still asking?)

Hahay. I’m just ranting this all out, ya know, just to get this sting outta my chest. For in front of you and everyone else, I can’t really let those emotions carry me away. I can’t let myself be too vulnerable as to actually bring the uneasiness out into the open. As a matter of fact, I sham it by striving(with a capital S) to be reeeeally composed when you’re there, holding me in that wonderfully unnerving stare. Wahehe!

A friend says I’m doing good, so far. Even says I could be next in line to Reese Witherspoon in the Oscars. Lol! That friend constantly teases me — Hala sige, gyud!!! Pugngi gyud!!!
Hahaha! I choke her each time. But at least her remark buoys me up. And I pray for sustainment of the Oscar-competent performance. Whew! Hanggang san kaya kakayanin ng powers ko. Lol!

Ciao for now, dear fwends. I beg you to please help me pray that I get that Oscar. Hihihi!

In this cruel world where life is nothing but a wounding sword, love is hailed. It sometimes comes as the shield…and at most times, as the sedative that eases the pain.

Ever since time immemorial, it has been ratified by almost all creatures that love is indeed the most consequential force that could ever exist in any universe. Nothing moves anyone like love does.

The poorest. The richest. The most powerful. The most ineffectual. The nobles. The slaves. No one is spared from being whacked with this feeling. It is the essence of living. The reason for being.

The world may wound the earth with wars. A superior may slice a subordinate’s integrity with intimidations. An enemy may stab a foe with torment. But love…love will always come to the rescue.

Thank you. For being the shield. For being the sedative. Even as you’re oblivious to all of this, thank you. For being you.

[read at your own risk]

[You've always had this aura of magnetism that never fails to unnerve me at times.]

You towered over me. I felt it even as I was looking down. I started to wonder why. I fought the urge to look up. I lost.

A half a heartbeat later, I found myself staring at your gentle eyes. And found them staring back at me. So gentle, your eyes. And so full of enigma. A conondrum I’m never bound to uncover.

Time froze as we stared for a snap of a second. I thought I felt something coming out of my chest when I realized it was only my heart. Not really coming out, but beating so loudly, I doubted if you didn’t actually hear it.

Again, I struggled. Struggled with the one word that was trapped in my head, willing to come out by any means. And so between those seconds, as I stared at you in question and awe, I strived to disguise the intensity knotted in my throat with a questioning smile. And then I uttered the question softly — what? But you only smiled. Smiled with that knowing look in your eyes. (Or was it something else that I just missed?) You smiled, and then turned your back and walked away.

It was a question, unanswered. But then, never did I expect an answer from you, in the first place. Not during those flabbergasting seconds. Not today. …

Today…

Today, I longed to see you. I didn’t care if you’d see me, or not. I just wanted to have a look at you. Period. Glad to say, my plea was heard…and my plea was answered, with a plus, even.

I knew you were there. Didn’t have to look straight at your direction to know so. He looked this way, a friend said. He did?, I almost retortedly asked. We should get outta here, I said. We were about to do just that when I turned around and found myself facing you. I waived. Smiled. You didn’t smile back. With a nod and a wave of your hand, you motioned me silently…come. I stared. That thing in my chest starting to pound crazily once again. And then I raised my brows to a questioning height and pointed to myself…silently asking…me? And then you bobbed your head in affirmation. With that feeling of something coming out of my chest overwhelming me again, I thought…Why me? Oh, boy! What the heck is this all about? Could he have thought…?

[It's always a struggle to be composed when you're around.]

And so there I was, walking towards you with you meeting me halfway. I tried to mask the inner stir up caused by the familiar lurching of my heart as I walked towards you and smiled and asked…what’s up? Then you answered. Not the dreaded answer, gratefully! Whew! Kulbaa, uy! Abi nakog unsa!(Whew! Kinabahan ako! ‘Kala ko kung ano na!) I never thought I had said those words aloud. At least not until a millisecond later when my heartbeat started to slow back to its normal pace. But then you smiled and then it went wild again! Damn, that smile breathtakingly carries me away!

Beeeep. I thought, I heard. Beep Beep. A little louder now. Beep beep beep beep beep! What the?! Beep beep beep beep. What is that freakin’ noise?!

A second later, I got my answer…when I opened my eyes and woke up from the dream which seemed so real. (And my phone still beepin’ its ring of wake-up call for me)

I woke up with the memory of you smiling at me in that dream. But then, that smile doesn’t belong to me. Never will it belong to me. And so, in the deepest part of my soul, this knot, I’d keep. Time may be the only remedy to this predicament. The one element who has got power to drive this unsolicited gush into the void. And so, time…hurry up and do away with this uninvited sensation. Before I come past the point of no return.

What makes you think you could just stick your oar into my life right now, huh?! Just like that? I mean, after what you’ve done? And after what you haven’t done? Pirti! Kavaga gud nimog fesh!
(Ha! You sure have got a lotta balls!)

Boy, sometimes, some guys are just too big for their britches. So full of themselves, that they tend to be a tad too unfeeling of phenomena around them. You know…those wannabe machos who actually think they could have anything they want in just a snap of their fingers or a wave of their so-called wands of charm. Kafal muks jud! Lami tuk-on! (Kapal mukha! Sarap sakalin!)

Well just so you’d know, ondoy…some chances in this life don’t knock as often as you’d want them to. Some chances may come as rarely does Halley’s comet. And if you don’t grasp them as they hover on top of your palm, they may fly to space and never come again.

You don’t sit there and watch life morph from a worm, to a cocoon, to a butterfly. Life is not a movie for you to watch. It’s a plant that’s for you to water and nourish.

Arong masayod ka dong(Just so you know), I’m a heartbreak more astute now. God was so good to let you break into my world — cause He gave me a reason to be stronger and an aiming heart to stick to what I believed was right. I always knew trials were like tunnels, each with bright light at its end.

Mountains have been built, you know. And those mountains, you’d have to move so you could get anywhere near the core. Pagpuyo nalang dha! Wala kay laing trip? Pag hithit ug katol. Pag daro sa bukid. Pag salum-salum sa Pasig. Bahala ka, wa koy labot. Basta kay ayaw na magsamok-samok, ha? Kay gikapoy nako! Basi himuon pa nuon tikag baki karon!
(Just stop foolin’ around! You ain’t got nothing else to do? Manigarilyo ka ng katol. Plow a field. Languyin mo Pasig river. It’s up to you. I don’t give a damn! I’m sick and tired! Just stop trippin’. Don’t let me turn you into a freakin’ frog! )

But in all fairness to you naman, you deep-seatedly shaped my heart into something much stronger than it was before you happened. Salamat. Hehe!

p.s.
Hay, nakapahungaw ra jud! Ganiha pa kong buntag kayawyawun. Wahihi!
(Relieved and sated.)

My weekend started as early as 8:30 a.m. today. That’s because I’ve got my Fridays nice and light, having only 3 subjects for the day. Today was even made lighter by my fellow studes in the 4th year. They’ve got our 2 other instructors all hooked up as panelists for their first round of project defense. So my school week ended a tad early.

However, unlike any of the previous weekends I’ve had since the school year’s opening, this time won’t be for unwinding. Prelim exams are coming up. Projects are due. There’s definitely a lotta stuff to keep me occupied this weekend.

As a matter of fact, the fact of the matter is that I’m trying to figure out which ones I’d attend to right now. I spent the whole day in school today, despite of my not having any classes. I had to browse through documents of this certain org I’m said to spearhead. Though legalities of the appointment are still in the process, my adviser says I should start getting myself staunchly acquainted with the undertaking ahead. And I totally agree with her. I’m barely seasoned and it makes the challenge of responsibility twice as challenging. I constantly pray for God’s guidance as I face this.

Aside from arranging and going through stuff in the office, I also got the chance to finish a requirement for one of my minor subjects. A writing, to be passed next week during the subject’s exam day. I’m glad it’s done and that my list of do’s has somehow reduced(somehow).

There’s still a lot to do, though. And like I said, I’m right now trying to get the feel of which one I’d prefer to do first. Research paper intro, C# system, DBMS diagrams, 6 or so subjects to study for exams, plus, I gotta reformat my HD coz it’s starting to show signs that it’ll be driving me nuts in the very near future. Whew! EeeeeeeeZ now.

Gotta go now. Have to think it out. Ciao!

—————————————–

an out-of-the-title’s-bounds p.s.

Sometimes, no matter how you strongly believe you could hold on, you just run out of reasons to fight. And then there comes the stench of truth…it’s just too damned rancid, you can’t cover your nose hard enough to avoid it!

Every piece of art has a story behind it. Let that piece be a painting, a song, a poem, or a dance, it comes from and tells of a story that is — the artist, its creator’s experience.

We can think of art as an expression of man’s experiences. It could be his feelings, his thoughts, and his environment. It is through these that man is stirred to create art. Through these, man regenerates thoughts and ideas which would therefore become means to a more aesthetic and marvelous end — a piece of art.

At most times, artists feel relieved as they finish a piece. It’s as though they are being lightened, if not totally divested of their life’s burdens as they create art. I see this as the power of art to connect man with his experiences. And that connection eventually reaches out to others with similar experiences to that of the artist’s. If a man of art is able to share to the world a little of his anxieties through sending a message by means of art, then the world’s weight won’t be for him and him alone to carry. After all, man can’t be complete without relating to others. And art is one beautiful way of man’s sharing and relating to others.

Some works of art have the power to incite extreme emotions from its recipients. It’s because this particular group of captivated recipients could intensely relate to the message that the art’s creator tries to appealingly convey. A brokenhearted cries over a ballad. An ecstatic gleefully moves in time with a pop. I sometimes read a poem and feel as though I were reading my brain’s undelivered rants. Artists sway their audience through the message they so strikingly relay in their art.

Thoughts, feelings, the environment, or more collectively…experiences. This is the root of art. For although we say that nature is the Arts’ derivation, still, it is man’s experience of nature that channels the former to the latter. Artists help substantiate the beauty of nature and everything associated with it by their works of art.

An artist, therefore, is nature’s messenger. And his work of art — the message.

————————————————
Something for my Intro to Humanities subject.

It’s awfully unfair of my heart to choose to love someone I can’t ever be with…
Tsk!

Nothing to blog…
One thing to say…

You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever known. Thank you always..for everything, for being a blessing.

Yesterday, I looked into the mirror and saw someone looking back at me. A pained pair of eyes which, I later realized, was actually mine. In that split second when I stared at myself and didn’t see me, I stopped awhile, immobilized and a little distraught at this confusion.

Sometimes, life can be a little tough on us. There are times when we feel like jumping out into the void where there’s nothing that could bother us, nothing that could hurt us.

But times like these are inevitable. And whether or not we like it, times like these are actually what makes life, LIFE. We can’t very well know what good is if we haven’t known how bad feels like. The latter helps substantiate the former.

So yesterday, as I was looking into that mirror and realized that..well..life’s been kinda tough lately, I tried not to be drugged by the pain as I silently uttered a simple prayer – “Please. Hold me close.” And I felt it…He gathered me into His embrace and let me cry on His shoulders.

Whenever we feel like our heart is being gripped so hard by someone, I think we shouldn’t ask that someone to let loose. We should, instead, just ask God to make us strong…and even stronger just in case that someone grips our heart harder.

Same is true with every other quest of fate. If trials are being bombarded our way, let us refuse to beg for less trials. Let us instead ask God to guide us through if He plans on giving us more.

As far as I know, that’s what I’ve been striving hard to do since yesterday. So far, He hasn’t let me down. And…well, not that there’s a need for me to say it…I believe He never will.

Betrayal. It’s probably one of the cruelest experience someone could go through.

A family’s betrayal…a friend’s…a lover’s. But the worst is when you’re betrayed by your own emotions. It is even more crushing than that time when your bestfriend took your enemy’s side instead of yours. More shattering than that time when you discovered your partner hooking up with a supposed good friend. When betrayed by another, you’ve got someone else to blame. Someone else who may take the guilt. Someone else who becomes less free and less dignified because of his misdeed. Someone else who just might say sorry when things cool down.

But when deceived by your own heart, you’ve got only yourself to feel both the pain of betrayal and the pang of guilt. Everything – the blame, the sorrow – it’s all on you. No one else is degraded because of the crime. When pacified, no one else could be sorry. No one else but you.

It is indeed true, what they say, that your worst enemy is you.

You could wrestle with a sumo master and ache from getting all your bones cracked. But you know what else could bring more pain? It is when you wrestle with your self and get your soul crushed.